The Book

I thought it was important to tell my story within the context of this healing experience, to better understand how this had impacted the full arc of my life. Having said that, people often asked, “How did you continue working, despite having to deal with the issues brought on by the quick cessation of alprazolam and the protracted withdrawal that followed?” The best answer I could come up with was, “I just did.” And, having had more time to contemplate the question, I’m still at a loss for a concise response. But it did ignite my curiosity. What was it that kept me going throughout this difficult time? And who am I to have survived this process which wrecks so many lives? I became determined to put it all out there, along with my own broader life strokes, to try to better understand the answers to those questions for myself.

If you know anything about the effect benzodiazepines can have on your being, you know that they’re highly addictive, potentially destructive, and most certainly can be a career killer when things don’t work out as intended. Which in many cases is the least of people’s concerns—the one-year mortality rate for someone struggling with the effects of coming off a benzo after long-term use is around 10 percent (the data is scattered and elusive, but that’s the conservative ballpark). This is serious stuff.

I don’t know if the events of seven years ago and how I feel today are attributable to my experience with alprazolam. Several medical professionals I have worked with do not believe this to be the case. But something happened to me that left its mark. Something that changed me from that day forward, which has been at the epicenter of a healing process ever since. And, in turn, became a central motivation for me to write this book.